if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
