Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
