I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
