This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
