I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
