Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
