Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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