apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
