covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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