I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
