i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
