ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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