So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
