So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
