Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
