Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
