Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
