So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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