I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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