My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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