i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
