I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
