It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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