Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
