Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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