He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
