and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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