As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
