I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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