You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
