I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
