Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
is it fun? or sober?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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