omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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