I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
