You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
