pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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