This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
