u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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