hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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