i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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