i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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