How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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