I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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