I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
