3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
