you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
