I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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