There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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