brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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