My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
