I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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