Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
