it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
