I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
