he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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