I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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