I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
