According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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