Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
