he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
