using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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