Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
