..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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