im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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