need another drink. this is the easiest way
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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