also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
