I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
