I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
