Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I want to fling myself into the sun
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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