jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Everclear isn't food dammit
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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