finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
