her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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