dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
