I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
