I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
