yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This toilet bowl is my home.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
