I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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